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Sunday, January 28th, 2001
3:13 pm
well, i havent written in awhile. I am frustrated right now. I have been browsing the web and finding all this wicked stuff that i wish i could do. i want to be an expert in graphics, programming, and math and i want to be an expert nnnnoooooowwwww!!!!. it is hard to be patient sometimes.
ah well. all in good time. i have never been this excited about stuff in my life! i dont want to sleep, i dont want to eat. i just want to draw really wicked pictures and do cool websites and write cool oprgrams.
patience patience patience.
it is overwhelming sometimes all the stuff i learn.

current mood: frustrated

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Saturday, January 20th, 2001
5:28 pm
well its another one of those days where i am all depressed and wondering if this is all worthwhile.
i have installed apache and php but the server doesnt seem to be loading up php so now i have to figure that out. i have also installed the gimp and have learned quite a bit. I have finally figured out how to listen to streaming media and so now i am listening to some of top 40 charts from mp3.com.
but now i dont feel like doing anything. i keep thinking to myself i have gotta work because i have wasted most of my life and i have alot of catching up to do. but i am also thinking i am a loser that i will never amount to anything its all futile so who cares.
i feel like this alot. i went to a counsellor for awhile and now i am doing al ot better. but i am still pretty out of it.
part of the reason i feel like a loser is cause i just found out i have been throwing all my pay slips out. i just never made the connection between the little serious looking things i am used to getting and these slips that look like something someone printed off their computer. i never even missed the slips. i guess i should have realized that i need to be getting and keeping these things but i honestly have never thougt of it. hopefuly i wont get in any trouble. i probably wont but stil it makes me feel stupid.
its a whole bunch of things really thats making me fell depressed.
wht about that? making me. i have read a book that argued that it all a choice. i kind of a gree with this but i still dont feel it muchj of one.
gotta go. shithead is invading.

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Thursday, January 18th, 2001
8:26 am
well i havent written in a couple days so ill do it now. i am currently doing a make world again to see if itll fix the probs i am having with compiling a new kernel. then i will write a script to fix the probs i have with port_version -c clobbering some of my ports instead of updating them. you all should run freebsd. its harder than windows i will confess but worth it. then i am going to just play around on my machine till about 11. exciting!! no??
well what does it matter. i may soon become a content provider for a site of a friend of mine. i may be adding a section on freebsd and taking care of it but nothing definite yet.
rubys cool. you guys should learn ruby. its a programming language that is aimed at being a programming language for everyone. meaning easy to learn easy to use. meant for newbies. i think they are hoping this will make computers better for people besides technophiles like me :)
god the text widget used in loserjabber really sucks. i think gtk is supposed to provide another better one. if there isnt i dont think it would be too hard to make one. maybe maybe not. i dont know what goes into making one. therefore i will add it to my to do list. i dont like not knowing how things work :)
and i dont like problems not being solved and this damned test widget is one of them.

i just read a review on finding forrester. its about a smart guy who meets a famous writer on a dare and some of lifes lessons learned or soem noble shit like that. i hate people who are really smart because i am someone who is really dumb. i hate rich people for the same reason -i am poor. i am never going to go anywhere. wake up every day in the same ol shitpile. isnt my life wonderful.

actually most of the time i dont care. i have my computer and lots of free time a warm bed and food. so i have all i need :) most of the time i am grateful for what i have but sometimes i get to be real blue.

well thats good enough for now

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Monday, January 15th, 2001
11:10 am
ok gnucash wont install. you wanna know why?? because a language it depends on( scheme ) emails love notes to its authors. that is the funniest thing i have seen today :)

current mood: amused

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11:05 am
well i am happy. i paid all my bills, i put a picture in my journal, i have read some source code, and i have improved my c skills by a fair bit. so one more thing( see if i cant get gnucash installed ) and i am off to bed. i have to work tonight 10pm-6am( i like the shift and everyone else thinks i am weird for it ). cya

current mood: happy

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9:42 am
just paid a bill. it was close to being overdue( due tomorrow!! ). but i remembered thank god!!

current mood: pleased

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9:22 am
i like my page. i think it looks cool

current mood: satisfied

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9:20 am
and i am only 20 too.

current mood: depressed

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9:19 am
i used to be able to spell. i cant anymore and i dont know why. it scares me. is my mind going??

current mood: scared

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9:16 am
i have trouble with colors so hopefully my picture has a yellow background. I have trouble explaining exactly what the trouble is. I am not colorblind. That is i see red as red and green as green, etc. I think it has to do with contrast but i am not sure. examples of what i screw up on are floresecent green and floresecent yellow, similar shades of red and brown, similar shades of brown and green, really pale colors and white. I have always believed since i was a little kid that christmas trees were brown cause thats the color i see. when i drew a picture of a tree for french class i colored it brown and a friend asked me if it was dead and that was when i found out christmas trees aren't brown. isn't that wierd?? my eyes are definetly weird.

current mood: anxious

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8:29 am
mozilla just went bye bye on me. I wish i knew how to figure out what the problem is so I could send in a bug report and possibly a fix

current mood: annoyed

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8:25 am
man i just love the gindent does my code. i dont know why. I just cant help but look at it and say what a pretty of formatting C. and i keep doing it too. do ineed to be checked into a looney bin??

current mood: cheerful

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8:15 am
spell check should be default too.

current mood: amused

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8:13 am
you know what i would like?? i would like to have the mood thingy stay up instead of disappearing all the time. I think i will rewrite this client if i am allowed to. well it looks like it is open source!! Ill put a little toolbox on the side like in gimp only attached to the main window. That just gave me an idea on how to rewrite my dads yahoo client. He wants me to add more features to it. Like smiley faces!! It could also use a better help system because yahoo has a lot of stuff many people dont know about. Like /follow( or something like that) for following people from room to room.
I would also rewrite the login screen on this loserjabber. And change the name too. I dont like it. Perhaps something like livejournaljabber. It defininetly wont be soemthing like livejournal client. Perhaps some other features like a view page to have a look at my journal without having to go outside and open a browser. Wait I just remembered its already there( under recent entries).
Hmm. Perhaps I should sleep. I just got off a graveyard shift. But i dont want to sleep. I wnat ot code. I have too many ideas and things to try boucing around in my head. It drives me nuts sometimes but I love it when i hit the Pretty Place.

current mood: bouncy

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8:02 am
wahoo!! my programming is coming along alot better. it is amazing how quick i pick up on this stuff. and to think i was going to buy some books to brush up on my c skills.
well i wont be doing that now :)

current mood: hyper

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6:59 am
alrighty!! my new user name and first post foe this one
I am much happier now because i have the useername I have always wanted

current mood: accomplished

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